Funny Advice for Newlyweds
From Adviceopedia
Whether you are hosting a shower or offering up the wedding toast, funny advice for newlyweds can break the ice.
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Funny Advice for Newlyweds: Husbands
There is no question that men and women see life very differently. Here is some funny (but on target) advice for the new husband.
Leave Past Mistakes Behind You
When a man gets married, he should leave the past behind him, and forget all of his poor choices. After all, there is no use in two people remembering the same things.
Arguments
If a husband finds himself in the midst of an argument with his beloved, he should remember one thing. His wife is right.
Scary Questions
The question that will most rapidly drive fear into the heart of any many is, “Honey, do I look fat in this?” If you are approached with this question, falling to the floor in a mock coma is recommended.
Kitchen Advice
Women love men who cook but they can't resist a man who does the dishes.
Things Never to Say to Your Wife
- Have you put on weight?
- My mom didn't make it like this.
- I taped the Redskins game over the wedding DVD.
- That's really not your color is it?
- Have you ever thought about plastic surgery?
- I bought you a cookbook.
- I bought you a hammer.
- I thought you needed this. (Note, unless “this” is a piece of expensive jewelry then you are asking for trouble.)
- I had lunch with my old girlfriend today.
- Anniversary? What anniversary?
- Birthday? What birthday?
- Why can't your mom stay at a hotel?
- So, what did you do all day?
- Hi honey, look whom I brought home!
- I married you, didn't I?
Remember...
Chunky is a candy bar. Never use it as a reference to your wife.
Funny Advice for Wives
The wedding day is usually a high stress time for everyone. Having some funny advice for newlyweds may keep bridezilla at bay. Just be sure to be sensitive to the stress level so your funny advice doesn't get you kicked out of the wedding party.
Things Never to Ask Your Husband
- Do you think I look fat in this?
- Would you rather watch football or go shopping with me?
- Do you think the new neighbor is pretty?
- What do you think of my new recipe for 'insert name of exotic gourmet dish here'?
- You don't mind if I take that new position across the country, do you?
- Aren't you going to stop and ask for directions?
- Are you sure you can do that?
- Is that a bald spot?
- Do you love me?
Arguments
The best way to win an argument with your husband is to begin removing clothing.
Kitchen Advice
Men usually want either food or sex. Learn to cook and keep your pantry stocked if you want to get anything done.
Money Advice
Don't bother fighting about money. There is usually not enough of it to go around anyway.
Seasons
There is a season for everything. Now that you're married the seasons are:
- Hockey
- Baseball
- Basketball
- Football
Don't Bring Up His Past Mistakes
He will make plenty of new ones you can use against him.
Be Sensitive
While some of this advice might be funny in the correct setting, be sensitive. The newlywed advice is all in fun but can be offensive to some people. Being aware of other people's feelings can keep you from uncomfortable moments.
The best advice of all isn't funny. Advice for newlyweds that will stand the test of time is simply to respect and be sensitive to each partner's feelings and communicate clearly. Asking a lot of questions before marriage will help husbands and wives to understand each other later on.
